Millions of books sold on how Steve Jobs, Bill Gates and other business gurus succeeded. They inspire us in a way or another. Were they simply born clever or hardworking fellows with a great vision in mind?

Some inspiring leaders were in the right place at the right moment. They clearly had what it takes to achieve their goals. They might have known exactly what they wanted. Some of them fought for it hard and long, others had a mix of opportunity and luck and saw their rewards quickly on their way.

It is a complex mix. Truly smart people might think that their dominating rational brain is all they need to get what they want. It can happen that they will never make it. They can also get frustrated when they see others, apparently not as naturally bright as themselves, having more success than they’ve achieved.

Many of us might have a dozen of stories of that clever girl at school who ended up not going to university despite all teachers’ hopes. Or that boy of average grades who built his own business, left university and is doing really well. Legends, formulas, anecdotes.

Actually this is a topic that has been discussed in renowned universities such as Stanford University and University of Chicago. They examined 50 sets of parents and the interaction with their children between the ages of one and three. During three years psychologists accompanied these kids and classified each instance where parents praised their children in three categories: 1. for their effort or actions, 2. for their abilities and 3. with general praise such as “you are great”.

When these children reached the age of seven and eight they were tested to understand how far they have developed during this time. Children that got appraised by being diligent felt more encouraged to take up new challenges, were “better at problem solving and more likely to improve themselves by working hard”.

My point goes even beyond these results. It is not only about whether one should be smart or dedicated to achieve something in life. Who did ever separate these terms?

In yoga I’ve learned that the more effort you put into something won’t necessarily give better and faster results. You stretch as much as you can. You try day and night. Your muscles are tired. You just can’t think anymore about pushing it again and again. When you stop trying, suddenly you made it.

That is not luck. That is self-control, self-awareness and preparation.

This is no surprise. Popular wisdom knows it as well. However why do many of us still use this effort oriented technique once we set a goal for ourselves?

I once met the most joyful unemployed person in my life. She would send applications and so on. But she wouldn’t bother about them much after pushing the “send” button. Instead she went out and made new friends, got involved with different interest groups, built a network of business women, and enjoyed the city life

Other people might have thought she was living out of this world. Her visa was about to expire. She had many contracts that she wouldn’t be able to quit in time before leaving the country. No plan B, not a huge bank account. She trusted herself, helped others and eventually got two job offers just in time.

I must agree, though, that the world is not fair. This story most probably apply to well educated people with access to these opportunities. I am by no means generalizing it.

Finding the right balance can be really hard, if we can affirm that real balance exists at all. There is no choice to control the up’s and down’s in life. Whether to be born with special or average talents.

Dealing with what you have under your control, accepting the obstacles you need to live with, being gentle to yourself, working hard when possible and worth it, building your network and letting doors open for opportunities. These all might help.

Sounds easy, doesn’t it?

We all know it is not in practice. There is no secret formula. You can try to apply experience from others here and there, but being conscious about your capacities and limits is key to decide what is the right mix of personality traits for yourself.

I tend to agree with Liane Cordes in her book from 1981 called “The Reflecting Pond: Meditations for Self-Discovery” which brought up the following remarkable quote (later falsely attributed to Churchill):

“ Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our potential”.
It is not about either effort or intelligence, it is about being consequent and putting all your heart and mind into what you do.

Source: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/9862693/Praise-childrens-effort-not-their-intelligence.html